It’s difficult to end a relationship. Is it possible to move on from a toxic relationship. It can have its own challenges.
It can be difficult to trust someone again, set healthy boundaries, or even build up self-confidence if you haven’t been in a relationship in a long time.
It can take some time to heal from these experiences, but therapists say it is worth it. It is possible to learn more about yourself and what you will and won’t accept from a partner.
If you don’t process the experience and change as a result, you won’t learn the valuable lessons that the relationship was designed to teach.
She thinks that a certain level of disrespect is meant to teach you to value yourself more. You might be inspired to trust your intuition if you know your partner isn’t trustworthy. You settled because of low self esteem.
Understanding how your last relationship has affected you will allow you to be more attentive to your own needs.
It is possible to tell if you are in a toxic relationship.
Here are seven therapist-approved steps for healing from a toxic relationship, whether you want to meet someone new or not.
1. Surround yourself with support
If your previous partner was isolating you from them, or they didn’t approve of your relationship, it can affect your relationships with friends and family.
You may have lost touch with some of your loved ones.
If you don’t feel ready to see people, it’s a good idea to spend time with your friends and family. They will help you heal and remind you that you have people who care about you.
You should reach out to people in your inner circle to let them know that you are still healing from the end of the relationship. They can be more supportive of you if you let them know where you are.
2. Prioritize self-care
Being in a problematic relationship can increase your health issues. Stress can affect your immune system, physical health, and emotional well-being, and can lead to depression, anxiety, and insomnia.
Silber says it’s important to make self-care a top priority as you begin your journey toward healing. Getting enough sleep is the first step in that direction.
Lots of healing happen during deep sleep.
Sleep helps with focus, clarity, energy, and emotional regulation, but it also plays a key role in your mood. If you are struggling with depression or anxiety after a break-up, you will want to make sure you catch those quality Z’s.
Getting regular exercise is one of the critical aspects of self- care. It is possible to fill in any gaps in your diet with mood- boosting supplements. Studies have shown that certain vitamins can help reduce symptoms of depression.
It is easy to believe that you deserve to be treated badly when you are treated badly by someone else. It is possible to remind yourself that you deserve to be treated well and that you deserve love.
3. Swear off guilt, shame, and blame
It is possible to look back and think, “Why didn’t I leave sooner?” or “It’s all my fault, I should’ve left sooner.”
According to Amias, the most common question that clients ask is “Why didn’t I notice what was happening?”
It can be very destructive to spiral into these kinds of thought patterns. As you seek to build yourself up after a traumatic experience, guilt and shame won’t serve you right now.
She says to practice self-compassion. I find this quote helpful because it says I did the best I could knowing what I did. If you forgive yourself for any mistakes you made in the relationship, you will be able to move forward.
It can be slippery when blame is involved. Fixating on your ex may make you angry and resentful, and make you feel worse. “We saw things very differently” or “We had some good years, then things changed” are some of the neutral thoughts that should be shifted.
She warns that blaming will keep you stuck. It’s important to figure out how not to repeat mistakes and how to recognize toxic people.
Don’t blame your ex if they were abusive. It is not your fault that someone else behaves in a way that is offensive.
4. Write down some lists for intentional dating
Silber tells people to evaluate two things after getting out of a relationship.
- What kind of partner you were before, and what kind of partner you’d like to be in the future
- What kind of partner you had before, and what kind of partner you want in the future
She says that the end of a relationship gives a great opportunity to reexamine what they were used to.
If you want to know what your previous partner had that you didn’t, make a list of all the things you liked and didn’t like. You may have liked their personality but disliked their fiery temper. If you want to see a calmer demeanor in your next partner, add in more of their desirable qualities on the side of the list.
One of the things you felt good about in that last relationship, and another of the things that weren’t serving you, should be on the next list. You might feel like you were generous with your time and love, but you wish you’d stood up for yourself more. Adding in things you would like to improve on is a good way to add to your strengths.
This process will help you to reflect on where there is room for personal growth, as well as what you are looking for in a healthy relationship down the line, so that you can more easily recognize it.
5. Start journaling
Amias says that after a toxic relationship ends, your head can be a lot of different emotions. It’s important to get all this on the page so you can see it more clearly. Clients should start a daily journal practice.
There aren’t any hard or fast rules for journal writing. This safe space can be used to remember, process, or help you in the present.
Journaling can be helpful if your partner gaslighted you.
When you start to doubt your perception, having a written record of your memories can help.
Journaling can help you set goals and see results.
6. Practice boundary-setting
It’s important to know how to say no in a relationship. Sometimes that can be lost in toxic relationships. Maybe you lost your voice because you were so focused on pleasing your partner that you lost sight of your own needs.
Amias says that your sense of normal is likely skewed by boundary violations. It’s difficult to express how you feel without being concerned about the other person’s response. Learning how to say no and have firm boundaries is a way of showing respect.
By the time you get into another relationship, you will be a pro at boundary setting. Some simple tips can be used to start.
- Make a list of any behaviors you won’t accept from loved ones, and what the consequences are for those behaviors. For example, maybe one is yelling or name-calling, and the consequence is hanging up the phone or leaving the room or house.
- Next time your buddy, coworker, mom, or neighbor asks you to do something, take a pause and a deep breath before responding. If you don’t immediately feel like saying “yes,” ask them for some time to think about it before you get back to them. This way, you have some space to respond with a more authentic answer.
7. Reach out to a therapist
If you are having trouble getting work done, maintaining relationships with loved ones, taking care of yourself, or fulfilling other responsibilities, it might be time to seek out some additional support from a mental health professional.
If you want to grieve what’s lost and focus on building a happy, healthy life, then get therapy.
There are many benefits to working with a therapist, like unpacking and working through a fear of dating that resulted from your previous toxic relationship.
Amias says living in a toxic relationship is like living in a snow globe. It is difficult to understand what is happening. A therapist will help you step outside the snow globe so you can see the relationship from a different point of view.
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